The Curse

When you teach high school kids with special needs, classes tend to be small. Twelve students each period was about average for my caseload. 

In this environment the teacher and students work together on every subject, figuring out ways to complete difficult assignments in their regular classes despite reading or math problems. 
We learned “how to learn,” in addition to a “Lifeskills” curriculum. “Lifeskills,” included everything from sex ed to how to buy a used car. 

Well, in that kind of close knit situation we all got to know each others’ personal stories pretty well. 
This often was a huge worry for me because so many of my kids didn’t have a clue concerning the principles involved in building a happy life. 
Some had strong families, but many others had never been taught even basic values. 
Often these kids lived with really negative role models, including mothers, fathers, and other family members in prison. 
This made for some interesting views on topics like honesty, work, alcohol use, drugs, and sex I can tell you.

I remember a student commenting one time upon hearing that I’d been married over 40 years to the same man.
“Geez, Mrs. W….. my dad has six different kids with six different women! He never married any of them. I don’t even know some of my brothers’ last names. What's wrong with your husband?”
My only answer to that loaded question was to say sincerely, “Well, I hope your dad and family have found genuine happiness.”
I'll never forget his reply. He just stood by my desk looking thoughtfully out our only tiny window for a minute, and then went to his seat without a word.

I remember another discussion with an 18 year old. 
He was messing around with a really “wrong” girl. Everybody in the class could see this except him. All he could see was that she had really big "boobs." (Sorry…. his words.) 
Well, one day he shared with us a little about his background. 
He had a low opinion of women in general. He told a classmate that his life was ruined when his mother had run off with a man, not his father, when he was just two weeks old. She hadn’t been a part of his life since. 
After saying how sorry I was to hear this, I asked him who was responsible for all the pain that had come to so many people because of her actions.  
He said, “My mom, of course.”

I quickly replied, “No, not entirely. I think it was mostly your dad.”

“How can that be?” he said indignantly, “My dad stuck around.”

“Well, your dad picked her, didn't he?" I continued, "Tell me how your parents met.”

“I think my dad said they met playing pool at a bar. My mom was there with her boyfriend, and my dad got her to slip him her phone number when the other guy wasn’t looking.”

“I rest my case.” was all I said, truly astonished at how easily my point had been made! Sometimes things just fall into place don't they?  I’d expected to have to dig around at least a little.

This led to some lively class discussion about what you can know about a person just based on where you meet them. Also about being a good judge of character and being responsible for our own decisions. 
And about the “fallout” those decisions sometimes have on innocents. 

There were lots of opinions, but one thing we decided was that if you meet someone at work, or school, or church, it might mean that they work, go to school, or attend church. 
This could be important information. 
And if you meet them on a barstool while they’re cheating on someone, then you may know some other important things. 
We decided that keeping this in mind could be a useful lifeskill.

Another young man I had in class that same year especially frustrated me. 
He was generally bright but not a good judge of character. He was about to graduate and be turned loose on the world so this caused me some worry. 

The class he was in had already decided that choosing an appropriate person to marry was a decision that would likely have a significant impact on one’s future happiness and possibly others as well. 

Despite this, every day this kid walked into the room with the latest report on the “hottest body" he’d seen since yesterday. Once again focusing mainly on bra size as the ultimate factor. 
Nothing else mattered but looks to this kid….not kindness, sensitivity, intelligence, modesty, work ethic or even being lovely. "Big boobs and a great butt” were all he cared about. (I apologize again…his words. It seems that isolated body parts hold a special place in the hearts of a lot of teenaged boys.)

Well, it was getting well into May and I was sick of this kid’s lack of progress. 
In fact, I was sick of this kid entirely.

So one day I said to him, “David, I’m sick of you."
I went on, "I’ve tried to explain that “hot body parts” aren’t the most important qualities in a woman and you won’t listen. So now I have to take drastic measures. You’re about to graduate and go out into the world to build your own life. So, I’m washing my hands of you with the terrible “Mrs. W. Curse.” 
I only use it in very rare cases, I explained. 

So, right here, in front of this class as witnesses, I curse you that you will meet, fall in love with, and marry the girl of your dreams. 
She will be the “hottest” girl around, with gigantic “boobs” and a "great butt," as you so often say. No movie star will be able to hold a candle to her.
She’ll also be lazy, cold hearted, mean, stupid, selfish, wasteful and vain. She won’t care about anybody’s happiness but her own. She'll spend hours each day just doing her hair and make-up. She won’t lift a finger to help you, take care of your children, or build a happy home. And even though she cheats on you, she and her amazing body will never leave you.” 
I then wiggled my fingers at him and told him to sit down and be quiet.

The last week of school, David came to see me late one afternoon. 
He stood in front of my desk and said simply, “Mrs. W., You gotta remove the curse.”

I looked at him a second and saw real worry on his face. 
I waggled my fingers at him and made a funny noise. “It’s removed.”

He turned and left the classroom.

I smiled. Maybe there was hope.