Thursday, June 19, 2014

Sex, sex, and more sex

Sex seems to be everywhere these days. And often in the strangest
places too.
I'm old now so I've finally figured out some important things about this popular topic.  I thought I'd share because one thing I know for sure is that there's a whole lot of people out there who are doing it wrong.

Another thing is that sooner or later they'll figure this out too.
And then they'll be sorry.

How do I know they'll be sorry?
Because you can't sin against truth and be happy that's why.
Every person on earth is born with the light of Christ and knows deep in their hearts when something is wrong. You simply can't do sex wrong and not know it. No matter what people may say, they know.
No matter how much money they make or how popular they are, if they're doing sex wrong they know it.

I noticed this among my high school students. (You can read more about this knowing thing in an earlier post called, "Pornography is a Lie." It's about a test I once gave to a bunch of teens who regularly viewed porn.)

Anyway, generally my students who were messing around with unwise substances like drugs or alcohol were often troubled and unhappy. But I noticed that those who got involved with casual sex were more than just that. Sometimes they ended up feeling so deep down worthless that life seemed to them not even worth living. Why? What made being wrong about sex so much more damaging?
Well, maybe it's because of the sacred nature of sexual relations itself. Of all the aspects of being human, the truth about this one really needs to be lived if a person wants a chance at true happiness.

So what are some truths about sex that we know.

First of all,  men and women are not the same.
This might seem obvious but a lot of folks out there don't understand this very basic concept. And it turns out the sexes are different not only physically but in their very natures.
I'm okay with this since Heavenly Father has said, "Thou shall not esteem one flesh above another."
He loves both his male and female children. They're different but equally valued.
Simple as this sounds, believe it or not, this "esteeming equally" is a radical idea in many cultures.

I understand these truths about sex and yet I'm still surprised at how often I'm still surprised. After all this time too.
It makes no sense, I know, but my husband's view of the world is very often SO not mine.

I used to think he was just plain wrong. "How could he possibly think that?
I often wondered, sometimes loudly, "What in the world is the matter with him?"
But I know that he's not wrong so much as he's just "Male."
With a capital "M."

He sees things as blue.   I see them as yellow.
But something happens when we see things together.
By some strange and mysterious power the world becomes green!
Then we have a case of the sum of the two becoming more than the sum of the parts.
Somehow one and one makes three!

That's part of why a marriage needs to be between a male and a female I think. Perhaps it has not only to do with sex but also to do with gender and its accompanying nature and point of view.
You can only get green by mixing blue and yellow.
Two blues just make more blue, two yellows and there's still only yellow.
Without both sexes involved in the process you always end up with only one.

It takes a male and a female to equal more than the math would seem possible.

Now about the sex itself. What are some truths about that?

Well, sex is a gift from God to his children who are married.
It's a great gift too. One that should be used as often as possible and appropriate for maximum happiness.
Some of life's greatest blessings come to people through it's use.

For one thing, becoming "one" with another human being isn't possible in any other way.
This doesn't mean only physically either.
When husbands and wives feel safe and brave enough to share what's most tender and vulnerable about themselves, their very souls can touch.
That's when they can really come to "know" each other.
And "knowing" one another is how the scriptures often describes sex, isn't it?
That doesn't happen with meaningless physical encounters.

And when Heavenly Father gets involved, children and grandchildren can come into your life.
Sex becomes a sacred light with power to light other lights. One of life's greatest blessings for sure.

There's another aspect of sex that doesn't seem to be common knowledge.  It's a critical element missing from every kind of casual sex.

What so many don't know is that to be done properly every single act of sex must be accompanied by a "tie that binds."   A small, silver thread that goes around a man and a woman and holds them together afterwards.

The sex itself might involve tenderness or hilarity, grand passion or therapy, recreation or routine.  Even those, "You better make it quick, Mister, the kids will be home soon," count. That part doesn't matter. What matters is the binding.

That thread must be there.

Those threads, combined with all the others that come with sharing a life with someone, hold a man and woman together more surely than a single rope ever could.

All those people out there leaving out that little silver thread that binds do so at great peril to their happiness.
Father intended sex to be a source of joy to his beloved children. But when the bond is missing it can become the opposite.
Instead of joy, those who steal the gift from Father find shame and bitter regret.

I believe the scriptures say something about, "Will a man rob God?"
Well, money's not all that can be stolen.
Universal truth applies here, perhaps more than in any other area of life.

I remember one of my daughters telling me of a teaching moment she had with one of her troubled high school students. He was really struggling with these issues and had asked her advice.
She thought a long time about it and then told him simply, "You can't do wrong and feel right."
She could tell by the look on his face that his conscience had just convicted him. He knew the truth.

No place in life does truth apply more surely than it does with sex. You simply can't do sex wrong and feel right.

So.  Many sincere and heartfelt thanks for that most wonderful wedding gift from Father. May we understand it's truth and always live it.
May we be blessed with great joy when we do.