Tough Guys

For beautiful Alex as she leaves for her mission.

********

The other day I heard a disparaging word about members of my faith.

Usually I just say a little prayer for the misinformed and go on about my business.
But this one struck a little nerve.
I think this remark pinched because it wasn't just a twisting of facts or slinging of dubious mud.

To tell the truth, the exact opposite is true.

What was said was that Mormons were weak-minded sheep.
Their no alcohol, no tobacco, sex only if you're married beliefs make them wimps according to these critics.

Wusses, if you will.

It was that "weak-minded" comment that raised my blood pressure.


According to these critics no one tells tough guys anything.
Independent thinkers drink, smoke, and sleep around if they have an inclination.
In fact, any inclination works for them and they have plenty.
There is no right or wrong.
No absolutes.
Ethics are purely situational.
"If it feels good, and your spouse and kids don't find out, then do it!" is the popular philosophy.
The only "wrong" is getting caught.

Often this is shouted in the name of "freedom!"

By the way, these people believe that shouting "Freedom!" will drown out the clanking sounds of cell doors. The ones shutting on those personal prisons they're building.
Many with life sentences.

It's also supposed to cover up the scraping noise of all those extra cots as they're being dragged inside each cell.
Those cots are for the innocent people who happen to love them.

Well, as the child of an alcoholic, with a cot of my own, I began to get a little upset.
I felt driven to speak out this time.

I propose that to live in today's world, the REAL tough guys are the ones who can say NO!

Tough guys can stand pressure for a lifetime, including in high def and surround sound, and still not give in to what they know won't bring happiness.
They choose to live in the light.

No matter how attractive darkness is made to seem.
Or how many powerful others are stumbling around in it.

Hey, name callers, just as an example, why don't you try to live in today's world without using alcohol?

I'll even admit to being tempted.
Once or twice, late on a Friday after a really rough week dealing with classrooms full of hormonal teenagers, I received invitations from other frazzled teachers.
 "No thanks," I replied a bit sadly, "I don't drink. But if I did......this would be the day!"

And what about when drinking's just socially correct?
Like when your boss asks you to give a toast at his third wedding?
Or it's your non-member uncle's special beer at his birthday party?

And how hard is it to be true to your sweetheart and kids when that cutie at work makes an offer?
Again.
Or pass up the porn that all the guys are sharing in the break room?
Again. And again, and again?


I say the tough guys stay strong because they believe happiness is at stake.
And not only their own.

What does it take to stand firm, time after time, for a lifetime?

Well name-callers, I think it takes someone with firm conviction of mind and spirit, steel for a backbone, and an iron will.


I happen to be acquainted with some of those real tough guys very well.
I even witnessed someone become one.

You see, Larry and I are what I like to call, "Raggedy Old Converts."
We didn't always live in the light.

Way back when we first started talking to the missionaries, we were in our early twenties.

In those days Larry was a heavy smoker.
He also loved beer, just like most of his college buddies did. He especially loved it with his favorite Mexican foods. And pizza.

He came by this behavior honestly, by the way.
His dad was a lifelong smoker. And social drinking was the norm in his home and among family friends when he grew up.
It was part of every memorable family celebration.

How tough does a person need to be to give up the lifestyle of his childhood now that he knows that God said, "Some things aren't good for man."

He's also learned about the blessings of the temple.
He loves his family and wants to be sealed together forever.
In the temple there's no, "til death do you part."
So he needs to be living the truth as well as he can.
Part of that is Father's counsel about alcohol and tobacco.

So, what does it take to give up the usual "beer with enchiladas" or the "pitcher with pepperoni and double cheese?"
What does it take to conquer a heavy nicotine addiction at the same time?
Forever.

Imagine that beloved parents and extended family who smoke and drink don't understand or approve.
In fact they're hurt and offended.

How tough do you have to be to begin living truth when it's your dad who's handing you a beer now?

Well, Larry struggled mightily. His spirit was ready and willing. He gave up alcohol.
But nicotine, especially had an iron grip.

He said that giving up beer was a piece of cake compared to tobacco.
I've heard that nicotine can be as hard to quit as drugs.
I believe it too. I've seen someone do it.

I'd like to share a story about Larry's struggle.
That struggle contained a very special moment in our lives.
One where help was sent from Heavenly Father when it was needed most.

This happened decades ago.
At that time Larry's mom was very active in State and National Women's Clubs.
In fact she was given the high honor of being elected as Arizona's State Women's Clubs President in 1980.
There was a huge reception for her at a well known hotel in downtown Phoenix.
Her family was expected to attend to show their love and support.

I had just had our fourth baby.
Kelley was barely two weeks old. Normally I wouldn't advise taking a new infant and recovering mother on any big excursions.
But this had to be an exception.

At the fancy hotel, after dinner and speakers, a  reception line for Larry's mom started to form around the glittering lights and pool on the roof of the hotel.
Just then the new baby signaled that it was time to be fed.
So I took her in search of a private spot.

I got on the elevator as it was coming down. There was just one man standing inside.
I noticed that he had a tag on his coat which said "Rex Pinegar  Boy Scouts of America."
On the way down I wondered.
We had recently heard a general conference talk given by a General Authority with the same name.
Could it be?

The man spoke to kindly comment on the baby.
I thanked him.
I didn't want to be seen as an incompetent mother so I then apologized for having such a new little one out in the evening. I quickly explained about Larry's mother.

I then nervously asked if he might be the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints Rex Pinegar? The one who gave a conference talk Rex Pinegar? The General Authority Rex Pinegar?
Was he THAT Rex Pinegar?!!

He smiled and said that he was, here for some Boy Scout festivities.

I gushed at being to able to meet him in person and said my goodbyes as the door opened.

Afterwards I rushed over to Larry who was standing in the reception line shaking hands, to tell him of my meeting a General Authority!
He was impressed, asking me questions between greetings.

A few minutes later I looked down the line and there was Brother Pinegar!

As he got to me I exclaimed, "Brother Pinegar! How kind of you!
We spoke a bit and then I asked if I mentioned that Larry's mom wasn't a member?
He replied, "Yes, but she must be a great lady in any case. I wanted to pay my respects."
He shook my hand warmly and I turned to Larry to introduce him.

I excitedly told Larry that this was Brother Pinegar, the General Authority who I'd told him I'd just met!

I then saw the strangest look come over my husband's face.
All the color left it.
His hands went around his back.
There was some fumbling before he took Brother Pinegar's hand.

I knew then that he'd been holding a cigarette.

After Brother Pinegar moved down the line. Larry looked into my eyes.

"I don't ever want that to happen again. I don't ever want to be holding a cigarette when a General Authority puts out his hand," he said.

It still took some time but Larry finally quit smoking.
That handshake brought him strength.
He took his family to the temple and we were sealed for time and eternity.

I knew a special witness had been sent to bring a blessing for a single raggedy old convert.
I was overcome.

Along with strength for Larry that handshake brought me a testimony that each one of us is loved by Father.
He knows us and our struggles.
It says in the scriptures, "All things are possible with Christ our Lord who strengthens me."
He stands by to help. Even with what may seem impossible.

Brother Pinegar probably had no idea of the impact his kind gesture made that day.
But I know that he was sent to help one man change eternity for himself and his family.


So I say "Hurray for the real tough guys!!"

The ones surrounded on all sides by loud voices. Singing the same old party songs.
You know the words.
Those same old lies.

Instead they believe that Heavenly Father revealed many precious truths to His beloved children.
"Some things are not good for man," was one of them.

Yep, the truly tough guys trust Father.
They try to walk the path He marked.
The one in the light.

May the blessings that come with living in the light fall softly on their heads. And on the heads of those who love them.

Hang in there all you guys with steel for backbone!
You're the strongest, toughest people I've ever known.

*******
"But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; thy shall run and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint."     Isaiah 40:31

"The way of the Lord is strength to the upright: but destruction shall be to the workers of iniquity."    Proverbs 10:29