Mystery That Is Man: The $1500 Paradox

******

For my beloved brother Mark, who's been blessed with some pretty serious adversity of late. A battle with a foe named cancer being among his challenges.

I hope my "looks back" bring him a smile.

********



Men are odd.

I can prove it too.
Just one case in point is that Larry, my husband of 51 years, passed away without my permission several months ago.
I think we should have discussed this first.  But he often didn't get permision before doing things.

So, we disagreed about that and other issues, including who was odd and who was not.
He thought men were NOT odd. He said women were the odd ones.
He was wrong.

Here's another for instance, if I may.

When Larry and I first met he was a member of a "Car Club."
This was a bunch of school friends who all drove heaps and spent weekends under them trying to make them go faster than the other guys' heaps.
Not to go any place in particular, just to get there faster.

I mistakenly thought this meant that he was interested in cars in general.
It took many years before the "$1500 Paradox" became clear to me.
Let me explain.

In an effort to be a good companion I tried to take an interest in this car thing.
It was hard.
So I figured that I could at least keep an eye out for spectacular cars that we saw on the road so that he could see and appreciate them and me.

So for years and years, I excitedly pointed out every Porsche and Corvette we saw on the road. I was showing an interest and thought he would enjoy seeing them. I was a good wife.
He always looked and said, "Nice ride," or something like that.

It wasn't until we moved to the mountains that I began to notice the $1500 Paradox.

This is expressed by a curious light in a man's eye and an almost perceptable rise in his blood pressure. You can feel it in the air.

It occurs when a male sees some pile of broken mechanical parts with tires. The sighting must be in another man's garage or side yard.
This pile can be a former car, motorcycle or even a tractor.
It must not be running or at least be on its last legs.
It's best if there is rust.

The man will pass by this pile and the light-in-the-eye will flash on. The atmospheric pressure rises in the air around you.

Then he will exclaim, "Hon, will you look!! It's a 1948 Alice Chalmers!!"
I'll bet that guy had to give $1500 for it! That #@%."
(For years I thought Alice Chalmers was an old girlfriend. It's not. It's a tractor.)

For some reason a Paradox sighting always involved the owner getting cussed. And the price is always $1500.

On the way home from "Alice" I ran a test. I pointed out a brand new, shiny, rust-free, Corvette.
He looked and said, "Nice ride."

Now I must include a caution.
This "Paradox" may be a widespread male occurrence.

When we lived in the mountains, I had a colleague who was a fine man, a wonderful teacher, friend to all, and possibly at the time, the high school girl's softball coach. I can't remember.
He owned an older red pick-up truck.
His name was Tim Slade and Tim is a man.

Tim's truck sat next to the ballfield during games and practices and had a smashed front windshield where it was assaulted by a foul ball.
I think this made it more attractive.

Well, Larry somehow talked Tim into selling that truck to him.  He had to pay more than the paradoxical $1500 because it was actually running.
But not much more.

Anyway, Larry reluctantly had the windshield replaced because he was afraid of getting a ticket.
He taught the girls that putting a hairbrush in the carbuerator thingy would get it started, should there be trouble. There was always trouble.
Beth eventually taught her friends at school the hairbrush trick should they require knowlege of it.
She said you could remove the hairbrush once it got started.

Then Larry and the girls drove that old, red truck for many happy miles until it died in our front yard next to the garage.
Where it remained for some time.

Now the truckbed was always handy.
So it was used to hold piles of pine needles and yard refuse waiting for transport to the compactor.

Then a male neighbor spotted it when he came over in response to another old car we were trying to sell. A GEO Tracker, I believe.
The man said he really didn't want the Tracker but was interested in the old red truck filled with pine needles.
Larry said the truck wasn't for sale.
Neighbor said that he'd only buy the Tracker if Larry would sell him the truck.

I thought,  "Be still my heart!!! Two piles of junk gone at once!!!" But I didn't say anything.

The man waved cash.
It was heartbreaking but too much for Larry. He took it.

Fast forward 20 years or so.

Just a few months ago, the super-talented, super-hero duo, Beth and Kelley, went up to the mountains to speak at a Relief Society function at the request of dear old friends.
On their way home they decided to drive by the old homestead.

As they drove into the subdivision Beth said, "Hey, isn't that Dad's old truck with a "For Sale" sign on it?
It was.

Overcome with a wave of sentiment Beth thought about buying it herself.
She then came to her senses and realized it would be way more expense and trouble than it would be worth. She wiped her tears.
When they got home they casually reported the truck sighting to Kim and her family.

The next day, Malachi, Larry's grandson, went up the mountain.
He took his dad, Scott, with him.
You know the rest.

So, lately, if you're looking for Malachi, check first under an old red truck parked discreetly in his parent's gated side yard.
Now and then his dad may be under there too.

That truck has now become a very, very, expensive vehicle.
Probably comparable to a Corvette.

Even so, the Homeowner's Association won't allow Malachi to stick his feet out from under it where they can be seen publicly.




*******

"So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created He him; male and female created He them."     Genesis  1:27

*****
"And the Lord God said, "It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him."     Genesis  2:18

*****

"And I, God, saw everything that I had made, and behold, all things which I had made were very good."    Book of Moses 2:37

******

"Okay.......man is not odd.  Man is good."    Sister Wagher